All pizza is not created equal

Pizza is almost always the first choice in my household when the question, “what do you guys want for dinner?” is posed. I really don’t ask that question too often, as there are very few places that make pizza that’s anything close to what we know and love in the U.S. Of course, I’ve taught myself to make pizza, and I’ve gotten pretty good at the dough thing. In truth, I like to make pizza when I’m in one of my “moods” so that I can pound the hell – I mean gently knead – the dough to the proper consistency.

When I make pizza at home, I know pretty well how it will “respond” to Alex’s blood sugar and I can give her the right amount of insulin at the right time so that there’s very little change in her sugar level from fat spikes. See the tricky thing about pizza is the very thing that makes it perfect -- the combination of cheese, pizza sauce and dough. I've got it figured out that each slice of my homemade pizza has 30 carbohydrates in it. Homemade pizza is not a problem.

But, once in a great while, we’ll give in and buy a pizza, which we did last night. Southern Fried Chicken has really great red red, pretty good chicken and not too great pizza, but they do know how to do mozzarella cheese. And that, unfortunately, is Alex’s Achilles heel. She loves cheese – the gooier, the better. And this pizza was pretty darn gooey.

So before she even chewed her first slice, she got a single unit of Humalog; four slices later she got another 1½ units of Humalog. These weren’t really big pieces, and usually one unit per slice of my bigger homemade pizza pie is enough, so I assumed 2½ total units would be okay. After dinner and just before she went to bed we checked her number and she was actually 4.9 (88 to you /mg people); that would be lovely during the day, but I worried that she might still have insulin on board (or IOB, as we say in the trade – and you’ll need to know this later for the test) so I had her chew a couple of Lucozade tabs and say nighty night.

Sometime after midnight I heard her smacking her lips, a lot, as though her mouth were dry, so I figured I’d check her already. I mean, I was already awake having to listen to that lip smacking noise which is second only to listening to my husband snoring on my sleep deprivation scale. Sugar: 19.4; that’s a decimal point short of 350 in America. No wonder she’s smacking her lips like that. Not good. Thinking her fingers might still have glucose tab residue, I wipe her finger down and prick her again. The numbers are not improving at all. 24.1 (433) this time. Okay, so which crappy number do I believe and correct for? I open up the vial to draw out another strip to check her again and the strip flips out of my hand into the basket next to my bed – mind you, each strip is approximately $1 – but I’m not about to go looking for it. I check a third time – 25.1 (451) – this is getting worse and worse.

Here it is; the diabetes guy I hate most of all: Fat Spike. Fat Spike is going to do everything within his power to keep me from getting any decent sleep. I will have to figure out how much insulin to give Alex. But first, I’ve got to decide which number to believe. So I do the only logical thing; I figure the average and proceed from there.

Now, remember, it’s about 1:15 a.m. Normal people don’t even drink water well at 1:15 a.m. much less do math in their head. By my estimation, I figure she needs 2½ units of Humalog to get her into the high end of her range.

Here’s my math:

19.4 + 24.9 + 25.9 = 68.6 / 3 = 22.8

Ideal daytime range = 4.0 to 8.0

22.8 – 8.0 = 14.8 point reduction

Each unit of Humalog reduces her by 5.1

14.8 / 5.1 = 2.84 units

I’m rounding down to 2.5 units since its night time and who knows what’s going to happen. At night, you can’t just trust that you’ve corrected well. Nights are different. You have to check, check and check again. She could come down way too fast and crash while I’m sound asleep. The problem is consistency. At night, there is none. There’s no regular pattern for how well or poorly a correction will work. As it turns out, this one works a little too well.

At 1:20 a.m. I give her 2½ units of Humalog and set my clock.

At 2:24 a.m. she’s at 11.9 (214) and I think “good.” I set my clock again and go back to sleep. Only I don’t sleep, I think to myself that that’s a pretty steep decline for less than an hour’s worth of insulin. Maybe the meter was wrong. Let me recheck.

At 2:32 a.m. she’s 13.4 (241) – that’s better, but still worrying; I set my clock again. Instead of going to sleep I check my email on my phone browser and worry that the constant beep beeping is too loud.

At 2:55 a.m. she’s 13.8 (248) – what the hell is going on with her blood? I set my clock again and play with my phone again.

At 3:34 a.m. she’s 6.0 (108). Shit. She’s still got IOB of at least 1/3 of her dose. I can’t let her sleep on this, so I wake her up to eat some Lucozade tabs again, and drink some of this nasty glucose drink that my mom sent. This time I don’t set my clock. I’m sure she’ll be okay. Maybe she would have gone lower with the IOB and these extra carbohydrates will counteract and she'll be in normal range when she wakes up. Maybe.

Or maybe not.

At 5:52 a.m. she’s 10.8 (194). Mea culpa.

Pizza wins. Mom loses. Till next time.